Ladyhawke Oh My God Is It Lent Again Already Image

I ran a poll a few months agone about which medieval movie folks wanted to come across me to take on side by side, and the answer (past a thin margin) was Ladyhawke (1985), the classic fairy tale reimagining with Michelle Pfeiffer, Rutger Hauer, and Matthew Broderick. Thank the gods y'all didn't set up me onto Braveheart.

Start, yous should know that I'grand non going to analyze this film's deeper meanings. That's non my shtick here. Leah Schnelbach already gave you lot only such an commodity, and information technology'south amazing.

This will stick to historical criticism, and we'll still accept enough to talk about. Sorry/not deplorable.

When I sentinel a film for these articles, I take notes equally the motion picture proceeds. For Ladyhawke, my notes kickoff off like this:

Medieval cells aren't built like this at all.

Jeez… these outfits. Patches of mail service. Fashion or could they not budget for more?

That's a very nice Italian town. Aquilla, right?

Yep. Este Castle in Ferrara.

Such snazzy synthesizers! That's 80s even for the 80s.

Seriously, what is upwardly with that armor?!?

Is that a double crossbow? WTF? Hahaha

Well, to their credit, the crossbow has a stirrup, which is totally authentic despite the insanity of the double —

Wait. No. Mouse merely drew the crossbow back with his hand. OMG. He'southward so slight I'thou pretty sure I can bench press him. Just no.

Damn everybody is really dirty. Filmmakers actually buying into that "no-baths" myth of the Middle Ages, eh?

Ok. Michelle Pfeiffer is astonishing. Angelic. Perfect casting. And this has got to be Rutger Hauer's second-best function (after Blade Runner).

The bad guy's helm is just killing me. No, ALL his armor is killing me. I retrieve he'south going for a coif, only what the hell is that? And no 1 wears a sword that way. It's like a 16th-century executioner'due south sword.

"Oh god, is it Lent again already?" Hahahahaha. Screw it. I love this.

Like I said: angelic. Also: cheque out the real historical surrounds. Take that, green screen!

Yep. That's my stream-of-consciousness. And so I go dorsum in afterward and fill up it out to something more useful and sensible.

When I wrote Seriously, what is upward with that armor?!?, for instance, what I really meant was this:

Rutger Hauer'due south interim is good here, and I actually am enjoying this, but his armaments are all kinds of messed up. I remember liking this get-upwards as a kid — it's and then blackness and absurd! — but it looks a lot different to me at present. Ignorance really can be bliss.

And so cool. And and then very improbable.

His armor, information technology seems, consists largely of a single, hilariously wee fleck of shielding that'due south strapped to the right shoulder of a simple black leather get-up. In technical terms this is a spaulder, and it'south a known scrap of armor that's intended to help protect a fighter'south shoulder. It's difficult to tell, merely this 1 appears to be a padded leather over metal, which is a fleck odd, but the biggest trouble hither is that information technology's on the wrong side of his trunk. I hateful, you should wear spaulders in pairs, just if you lot're only going to wear a unmarried ane information technology should at least exist on your leading shoulder (the one most exposed to assault). Since Hauer is right-handed, a useful spaulder would be on his left, leading shoulder.

His leather armor itself has bug, too, the biggest of which (to me) is that his vital neck protection consists of what's essentially a low turtleneck. Even if it's fabricated of Kevlar — and I know this is a fantasy, but it ain't — this itty chip of armor doesn't accomplish more than an inch up his neck. That leaves waaaaay too much neck exposed.

And the cervix is like Detail ii on the list of things a swordsman ought to be focused on protecting. Item 1, of course, is his head… which makes this a great place to mention that Hauer doesn't take a captain, either. Sigh.

Then at that place'south that sword. The big one. I actually dug information technology when I was a child, but that was a long time before I really wielded such things. (This constitutes inquiry for me, by the manner, which is another reason to love my chore.) What Hauer'due south swinging around is aZweihänder. It's a real kind of sword, which came into apply in the early on 16th century. It'due south  historical. So there's that.

A shut-upwards of the sword, and a seriously young Broderick.

Of form, Zweihänders are so named because they take two hands to control and Hauer swings his around with 1 hand similar it's fabricated of plastic. So there's that, besides.

Besides which, Zweihänders didn't really function like regular swords. They're then big, so heavy, that they're really more similar polearms. This is why they had such a short life in historical usage: polearms are cheaper and easier to use, and then why bother with Zweihänders at all?

Hauer improbably uses his similar a sword, though, every bit I've already said. And that would be pretty foolish. In actual war machine weather something of that length would be besides heavy, too tiresome, too difficult to maintain. Information technology's more akin to an executioner's beheading tool than a melee weapon.

Even on a basic level of send it's lightheaded. Honestly, you'd be truly foolish to have an exposed sword of that length strapped to the side of your trusty steed — if the blade doesn't hack up the equus caballus's leg, its edge is gonna go beaten to hell past road debris and the general elements. But okay, even if we set that bated … how is Hauer gonna pull it out? From tip to Parierhaken (those angled spikes on the side of the blade that are in that location to help protect the second mitt) it looks to be about equally long as his leg. Bones anatomy says his arm will take trouble reaching high plenty to get the thing gratis without some unwieldy (and no uncertainty comical) contortions.

But you know what? It's still not as bad every bit that "claymore" that William Wallace wields in Braveheart.

Over again: thank you guys so much for not assigning me that one.

All that said, I really enjoyed this moving-picture show, even subsequently all these years. I like the interim — the principal cast is solid, and the surrounding coiffure is amazing at times — plus the story has so very much to recommend information technology (encounter, once more, Leah's article above). And even on a historical level I really love the filming locations, which are frequently very real places.

Conclusion

Arms and armor: 2 out of 10 wolves.

Everything else: eight out of 10 hawk(east)s.

Put those pieces together — in that perfect balanced moment between fantasy and history, nighttime and day — and Ladyhawke remains a well-deserving classic.

Michael Livingston is a Professor of Medieval Culture at The Citadel who has written extensively both on medieval history and on modern medievalism. His historical fantasy trilogy fix in Ancient Rome, The Shards of Heaven , The Gates of Hell , and the newly released The Realms of God , is available from Tor Books.

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Source: https://www.tor.com/2017/11/08/history-fantasy-and-weird-armor-ladyhawke/

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